The Pillow
by Jezunya
Summary: Some random thoughts about nature, love, and death... [Kagome's pov, oneshot]


_A/N: Okay, I'll be the first to admit that this thing is just down-right WEIRD, but I still like it. I wrote it sometime last year, and have finally decided to post it, just to give yall something to read while I work on the next chapter of FMN… Reviews are appreciated! n.n_

_As always, all characters and settings from _Inuyasha_ are (c) Rumiko Takahashi._

**Kagome's Thoughts - The Pillow  
Really Weird Random Stuff by Jezunya  
o.O; **

I came to hate modern pillows first.

Oh, they're wonderfully soft and I still sometimes complain about having to sleep on the hard ground or the rough floor of a second-rate inn, but my modern pillow quickly became the bane of my existence whenever I returned to my own bedroom in my own time.

The thing I hated was that it was always cold. And not cold in the way that it had simply been deserted for several weeks - that was to be expected and that kind of cold was in all my worldly belongings when I returned to them. In most of my things, the cold could be banished with a few minutes of my presence, especially in the case of the chair in front of my desk or my bed. But not the pillow. I could lie on my bed for a whole hour, and the blankets would be warm from my body heat, perfect to curl up on and go to sleep, but the pillow would still be cool, cold.

It's mostly because of what the pillow case is made of - some kind of artificial cotton or polyester or even silk. Something that never had any life or body heat of its own and so cannot recognize when someone else is trying to get it to warm up. That's something I've learned in the Sengoku Jidai, something that's been completely lost on my 'modern' society. When you kill something and use something from it, whether meat or skin, the thing lives on, at least partially.

Inuyasha apparently made his gi all on his own - he killed a full-grown fire-rat when he was only twelve, skinned it, and, with the help of an old witch he knew, fashioned a set of protective clothes from the fur. He told me the fire-rat had a mate and four whelps in a burrow just a few feet from where they fought, and he could have easily gone and killed them too, but because he let them live, the one he killed gave him his protection in his fur. I was unsure of what to make of the story, and asked Miroku-sama about it later, an action I will forever be ashamed of because I should have known Inuyasha well enough to know that he wouldn't be party to any silly superstition as I supposed it to be. No, it had nothing to do with divine beliefs or good and bad luck or anything like that - it was just the way things were, just the way nature worked. He needed the clothes and the protection, so the fire-rat begrudged him neither, and he didn't take more than what he needed, so the fire-rat gave him more than he had originally sought.

I didn't experience this connection with the dead for myself until an occasion a long while later. There was an incident with a snake youkai in our camp one night, and in the course of things my sleeping bag and pillow were completely ruined, because the snake had of course gone right for the weak human with the Shikon shards. I had been shaken from the experience of waking up with a serpent in my face, and so spent the rest of the night cuddled in Inuyasha's arms with Shippou in my lap, away up in a tall tree overlooking our camp. After that, though, it became apparent that I really would need some kind of bedroll to sleep in. (Miroku-sama offered to share his, but Inuyasha rather violently refused for me.)

It was easy enough to buy some more blankets, although we ended up having to stay in that particular village for a whole week to pay for them, as we are all dirt poor just as a general rule. It was at the end of that week, though, that Inuyasha presented me with a deer skin, all tanned and ready to be sewn into a pillow case so that I wouldn't have to go without the comfort of a modern-style pillow. It almost brought tears to my eyes as he rather carelessly explained that he had killed a deer on our first day in the village, and that _that_ was what took us all week to pay off - it wasn't cheap to have a full animal skin tanned, but a week of hard labor from someone with demon strength had paid for it in full.

He also presented me with several dead geese - gifts from the villagers when they learned he was working so hard to please 'his lady.' The geese made several good meals over the next few days, but their main purpose was to provide stuffing for my new pillow.

The task of plucking the geese of course fell to Sango and I. Shippou tried to help some, but he ended up just playing in all the downy fluff like the cub that he is. We really couldn't blame him. Shippou acts mature and brave most of the time, but he is really only about five years old, which is still practically a baby for a youkai. Still, we managed to get all the feathers plucked off and cleaned in one day, so that we could begin stuffing the newly-sewn pillow cases (yes cas_es_ - there was enough deer skin to make two good-sized pillows, so Sango got one too and I didn't have to feel completely selfish for complaining about not having my comfy pillow anymore. I still couldn't believe, though, that Inuyasha had worked for an entire week just to provide me with a little comfort. I really had no idea how I was ever supposed to repay something like that.)

It was while we were plucking and washing the goose feathers that I started thinking about what Inuyasha had told me before about the connection between the hunter and his slain prey. I mentioned it to Sango, wondering what this deer must think of being killed just so some selfish girl could have an extra bit of unneeded comfort. I wasn't feeling particularly good about the whole thing at that point, and was really hoping the deer wouldn't come to haunt us because it disapproved of its skin being made into pillows.

Sango surprised me then. She smiled warmly and said that no prey ever begrudged comfort or warmth or protection when the hunter killed it not for himself, but for his _mate_. I sputtered, embarrassed by what she was implying, and emphasized the fact that we _weren't_ mates, so how did that even apply? Sango just shrugged, going back to plucking the goose feathers.

"You don't actually have to be mated," she said, thoughtfully watching her hands work. "Inuyasha thinks of you as his mate, and I'm sure the deer understood that. In fact, it probably brings her good thoughts of her own mate providing for her." (Not that deer really _provide_ all that much for each other, not the way carnivores do. Not the way Inuyasha does…) I didn't reply and went back to plucking the geese, my mind heavy.

Did Inuyasha do all this with the thought that I was his mate and he needed to provide for me? Even with something as inconsequential as a _pillow?_ …I won't bore you with _that_ over-exhausted train of wondering.

But I will tell you this- that pillow was _never_ cold.

8-888-8

_/scratches head/ Eh… some weird things in here… First, I have no idea how long it would actually take to tan a deer skin, so don't get on my case if you do a lot of hunting and know how long it would take. I'm just completely making stuff up. Also, I'm not trying to make any kind of statement in here about nature or what I believe about nature. This is fan _fiction_, after all, and I just thought it was an interesting idea. n.n;_

_Review please!  
_


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